Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"Stonger than she Sues"

Mary Sues are a hot looking group of ladies. They have the glossiest hair, the sparkliest eyes and the sexiest figures but you know what? They don't appear as awesome as they are. Mary Sues maintain a girlish shape but they often can surprise you with how rugged they turn out to be. You may be thinking, "Hey, that chick's frame is slender so she must be totally harmless. I could menace her if I wanted to and she couldn't stop me." You, my friend, would be wrong. While muscles would take away from her meek and unassuming appearance, be ware. She's "stronger than she looks."

"She is very slender, but stronger than she looks, and upon closer notice you can see the fine network of muscles along her back."

"She’s stronger than she looks and can do the work of a man, she'll prove it too."

"She looks weak and is weak but she is stronger than she looks."

"Silentstar is stronger than she looks and is determined to strengthen her tribe."

"Strengths: Raine is a brave girl and she’s stronger than she looks."

"Rachel is slim, but stronger than she looks, and stands at 5'6"."

"Quick on her paws, stronger than she looks."

"Accurate and powerful archer; definitely stronger than she looks."

"Looks slender, but hard, flat, sinewy muscles under her skin - a LOT stronger than she looks (well, she IS a smith!). Grey eyes."

"Her pinwheels are pretty deadly in battle; she's stronger than she looks!"

"Appearance: She's quite small, only about 4' 6". Slender, but stronger than she looks and very nimble. She has electric blue hair and intense green eyes."

This group of Mary Sues are "stronger then she looks."

"Apperence armor & wepon: tall(6'2'') waist langth bright red hair, slender strong woman(stronger then she looks)/ silver armor/ sword"

"Family-considers Sabrina (my other fc) as her big sistershe is very defensive around her and her friends,is stronger then she looks,is afraid of heights,gets freaked out easily."

"The one other pokemon she has with her is an Abra, female, named Opal who still knows Teleport, though is much stronger then she looks."

"somewhat short and slender but stronger than she looks; looks much younger than she is and is often taken for either young or simple-minded; neither is, in fact, the case."

"Keeps herself in top physical form and is quite athletic. Exercise combined with a great deal of martial arts training means that she's very flexible and can handle some pretty acrobatic maneuvers. Fairly well muscled for a girl her age, she's stronger than she looks but certainly not anything that would put her in the record books."

"'She's definately much stronger than she looks,' he remarked to himself as he tried pushing her off of him. No such luck. 'Oh well, you brought this on yourself...'"

"She may look fragile and soft, but she's stronger than she looks."

"often scowling, not for any particular reason though...she just doesn't smile; stronger than she looks; she wears a lot of red and black, again, not for any reason other than she likes it."

"Spirit History: Kororo is Trey's spirit, she may look pretty small but she's alot stronger then she looks. She integrates into Trey's snowboard and can attack very powerfully from inside it."

"She stronger then she looks but likes to pretend so most of what she puts on is a fake so you could never tell what's real or not."

And this little gal is here because you knew it had to happen:

"She has a fragile look to her but she is stronger then she looks. Ali is naturally busty and curvy in all the right places."

Who the Hell is Alex Evans?

As near as I can tell, he's a dude who likes his picture taken. He is EVERYWHERE in the rpg world. We met him once as Jamie Ray Boyd. Without researching I can tell you he's the perfect emo kid for angsty, young role players. He looks like he is full of woe and needs sex a lot. Chances are that anyone using him as a Play By will cast him as some deeply troubled and abused teen whether he's in an insane asylum, student at Hogwarts or very moody vampire.

But really, who on Earth is he? I am having a devil of a time locating him and why he's famous. As near as I can figure he's a just a model from Canada. That's all. Not a singer or an actor or a skateboarder and any of the things I suspected. Oh! He has an ultra active MySpace page. But somehow, despite not really doing anything except posing for pictures, he's captured all the inner angst of role players all over the internet. He looks like a boy that needs to be taken care of, held close to the bosom and taken to bed a lot.

Why am I so interested in finding him? Like I said, he's all over. I don't think I've seen an rpg in a very long time that doesn't seem to include him in some way. Face Claims all over the Internet are deluged with authors fighting to use him as their play by. (Since this is the first time I'm mentioning these things, a "play by" is the actor or actress used to represent a character and a "face claim" is the general list put out by the rpg admins to show who has claim to what celeb.)

"alex evans - matthew cunning"

"Alex Evans - Acelin & Ashton Pierce"
"ALEX EVANS --» phoenix june"
"Alex Evans - - Skyler Sommers"

"Oliver Stone {Vampire Clan}
15 Years old [30]
FC: Alex Evans"
"Alex Evans Jackson Miller"

"Alex Evans Scorpius Peverell"
"Alix Hooke - Alex Evans, Chace Crawford"

"- Alex Evans // Jude Scott"

"^pictures thanks to Alex Evans of DeviantArt"

Some rpgs have started to list him as someone you can't use as a play by any more because he's so damn ubiquitous but that doesn't mean his appeal has diminished. I don't think the interest in him will be disappearing anytime soon. As long as authors believe they are creating an "original" and "unique" emo with various personality disorders, we will have to look at Alex Evans with his swoop style bangs, multiple piercings, deathly pale skin and silly tshirts mugging at cameras. His story lines will be about how vulnerable he is and he just needs the right girl or boy to teach him how to love and trust again. He's damaged yet smart, sad yet strong, troubled yet innocent, rebellious yet meek and emo yet popular. Alex Evans in here to stay all whether we grumble about it or not.

Can't read that? It says:

"Light as a feather

Quick as a fox

whipping about

Strong as an ox

Invisible to us

yet always it's there

calming and damaging

the wind in our hair"

Taking Umbrage with a Harry Potter RPG

You would think that with all my years of role playing and the fact that I run a blog based on teaching fairplay, I would never ever be God modded and powerplayed. Not true at all. It still happens to me all the time and it will probably happen to me again and again and again with the more rpgs I join. It also hurts a whole lot more because I can identify it a lot easier and I feel compelled to stand up for myself every time it happens with varying results.

I recently left an rpg and I want to share this experience with you because in all my years I've never been God modded and powerplayed this bad, this many times and met with this much apathy by any one entire forum. I didn't think it would get as bad as it did because in joining the rpg, everyone had to read through a special list of "No-No Rules" to find the hidden password before being accepted in by staff. These rules were in addition to the normal rules and they specifically outlined God modding and powerplaying. I approved completely of this practice and every rule on that list because each one I have preached on this very blog. I had such high hopes for this rpg and I trusted them completely.

Systematically, each hope was dashed. I would say that maybe two rules from the No-No list were NOT broken against me through out my entire 50 post run in the rpg. Many were mild yet still completely heinous infractions but here is the list of the worst three offenses I had to endure:

1. My character hadn't seen Hogwarts for a very long time. I created a thread where he was looking over his old haunting grounds and he encountered two characters that he didn't know, referring to them as the Gryffindor and the Ravenclaw. I would think it would have been rather obvious that no one would know my guy but the Gryffindor went ahead and proclaimed that he'd known my guy for 7 years and considered my guy to be a regular douche bag he had to "correct" often.

2. My character left the scene because I getting very angry about each violation that seemed to mount in this Gryffindor's presence. I vowed that once my character left the scene, I would have nothing more to do with him again because he just couldn't take a hint. However, after leaving in a very definitive way, the Gryffindor decided to claim that before my guy left, he stepped on my character's toes and then left himself. The Ravenclaw, who was being played by the mod, went ahead and locked the thread and moved it into the archives before I could come in and ask WTF????

3. In a thread that didn't include my presence at all, where I thought I was free and clear of God modding and powerplaying, I was highly pissed to see that it happened again. The Gryffindor and the Ravenclaw, now involved in a romantic relationship, were talking about how they met through the events with my character. The Gryffindor states in one post he hadn't seen my guy since then night, then two posts later, with the aforementioned post still visible on that page, states that my guy had been obsessively stalking his for quite some time and trying to get the better of the Gryffindor but failing every time.

Of course I complained about all of these things every step of the way. I sent many PMs to the mod who was very wishy washy, to the player who said he'd fix his actions or told me to calm down and then to the owner who told me she'd handle it but then I never heard from her again. I went from peaceful reminders, gentle explanations, firm teachings to fully apeshit hoping someone would understand how all of this was utterly unacceptable and I got nothing but giant wall of apathy.

When the immediate threat seemed to be over, I tried to go on role playing but I really wasn't comfortable anymore. I had no solid assurance it wouldn't happen again let alone that anyone really understood why I was upset. It wasn't enough for me to role play with other players because the damage had been done. I started to get suspicious that all this resistance could have been because the Gryffindor was being played by another staff member and everyone was covering for him. I had asked the Gryffindor who else he played because I didn't want to run into him again but he glossed right over answering that so I couldn't ever be sure a character new to mine wasn't him with a different account.

Moral of the Story: If you get God modded and powerplayed and you think you've gone through all the proper channels for fixing this but you're being ignored, don't be afraid to walk away. It's better for your sanity in the grand scheme of things because some rpgs just go through the motions of trying to look sparkly clean when they aren't. If management isn't unified and doesn't have a system in place to deal with rule breakers, don't hold out hope they ever will.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Destroyed Mary Sue

Here's yet another Harry Potter Sue. They are like crack to me. What can I say? Everything about them is just irresistable. They riff themselves. There's not much I can add to make her any more laughable than she is.
I went ahead and cut out all the normal Sue info and gave you only the most outstanding Sue-y bits. Enjoy!

Full name: Fahima
Nickname: Oceania

Umm... sweetie? A full name is "Fahima Oceania." A nickname is "Fah," "Fahy," "F.O.," or "Cuddly Bumkins."

Blood: Per-Blood

It's better than pure. It's "per." But really, all 7 books say "pure blood." Where does she get the idea that it's "per" blood.

Martial Status: Looking

Okay, I need to call out admin on this. Martial? Like in Martial Arts? This girl has a blackbelt in Sue! Kung Sue!

Hair and eye color: Blue eyes and she changes her hair from Blond to Black but there is always Red standing out on her bangs~
~Physical Appearance: She is not skinny skinny and but she is not fat~ She is 5’9 and about 155 lbs~ she has a muggle tattoo on her right arm of 4 roses with the words~ "R.I.P I will never forget what you did for me" and the names Zander BeastlyZahara BeastlyJosh OceaniaAndMorgan OceaniaShe also has a wizard tattoo on her left arm of those 4 people~

She's gothy and tough as nails despite her tragic life. I would warn you all to get ready but by now I'm sure we're all desensitized to the pain of Sues.

Attitude: She is very down to earth~ but she don’t take nuts from anyone~ She stands up for innocent people~ ~She does break the rules but she DOESN’T break the law~ To he rules are met to be broken and Laws are met to be followed~
Likes: Singing~ Writing~ playing the drums~ Looking at the stars~ roller blading.
Dislikes: The Dark Arts, people that break the LAW, unfriendly people~ people that think they are better then others~
Personality: She is very wise~ she is smart and she loves her powers~ she always misses home and remembers what those have done for her~

If it's a holiday I might take nuts from anyone. Those little gift packs of honey roasted almonds and peanuts are fun!~
Are we shocked she sings and writes?~
And she hasn't studied DADA since she was a fetus. That's truly is a surprise.~
She's smart~She loves being a Sue. Things were be awesome if not for the horrible tragedy that made her a Sue.

When Fahima was 5 she found out that she and her sister were not a normal people~ Her mom told her and her sister that her father and herself were wizards~ and the girls like her mother was a witches~ When she was 9 she was playing in the yard and a man walked up in a black hooded cloak, he looked at her and raised his wand~ Her father came flying out of the house and yelled Avada Kedavra, the man hit the ground~ she passed out from a spell that hit her, all she remembered was he dad picking her up and him saying, "Brandy they found us, get Morgan, we have to get out of here, NOW". When she woke up she found herself in a different house~ with a boy standing over her~Over the next 2 years she found out there was more to her family that met the eye. She found out that her mom was a Metamorphmagus which mean she could change her appearance at will, she also found out she was too~ She then found out that she was a Animagus and a Metamorphmagus.

I'm not sure how it works in the book but I don't think those things are genetic. They are learned. Who am I kidding? She's a Sue. She probably knew how to do those things when she was a fetus.

Over the 2 years she lived with her god parents Zander and Zahara Beastly~ Her parents and her twin slept in the guest house~ It was 3 bedrooms enough for them~ She loved her family and felt very safe there till they day she turned 11 years old~ in the middle of the night she was a waken from a man that was wearing a black hooded cloak, Fahima screamed and with out thinking without moving she changed in to a Wolverin and bit the guy in the throat~

She became Hugh Jackman!!!! What a wicked and wonderful Sue!

She changed back and ran down the stars~ She seen a man with red eyes look at her and then turned and muttered Avada Kedavra, Fahima watch as her sister died~ the man turned around and raise his wand again but before he could say anything her father and mother and god parents came in the room~ Her parents fought the red eyed guy and her god parents were fighting 2 other hooded men~ She watched as her father was killed, she yelled and when to run over to fight~ but her God brother Kyle grabbed her and turned on the spot~ About 5 days later her month came back, all three of them decided to move to England~ That September she started at Hogwarts~ When she turned 17 she got her tattoos 2 weeks before she when back to school~

What a wimpy Sue. She couldn't save everyone. Maybe she wanted to be emo. She didn't really want to go Hugh Jackman on everyone's ass and be some big hero. Could have but chose not to.

Thank Goodness her month came back. I have no clue what that means but I'm positive it has to suck when your month is gone.

I'm also happy that we are told where her tattoos fit into this timeline. Didn't you all want to know the very moment she chose to announce to the world she was a Sue and she wasn't going to apologise for it?

This has to be the first bio I've come across that had a title. Honest. A title. "Destroyed Memories." Meaning, I guess, her memories weren't destroyed. But her memories were of her family being destroyed because even though she metamorphmagusized into Hugh Jackman, she still couldn't save her family. I blame Kyle and his need to save her from being the most awesome Sue of all Sue time.

When Kids RP: A Cautionary Tale

Lately, Freaklin Gout, a friend of List Bitch, has been having some problems with a character in the rpg she is in. This Gary Stu is in the form of a child, played by a child and he's making things difficult for those around him:

Well, some time has passed and [name omitted] is no more. *pours one out on the ground* Sad, isn't it? Not really. Stuart's away from Ainne and in a new RP and he's doing well. He's got a girlfriend, a job, a horse, an apartment, and a moonshine business on the side. He's also got a new last name: LaRoche.

This new RP is pretty good. The admins are fairly vigilant about not allowing Mary Sues or Gary Stus to join, and they monitor for power playing and god modding. Unfortunately, even a good admin can stumble, and I believe they've done so by allowing a 13 year old to join the RP. That's right. A motherfucking 13 year old.

I guess I should state that this is technically a Harry Potter RP. We have no canons -- all original characters. The only thing really HPish about it is that we've borrowed the magic and the set-up from the books. It takes place in a small town in Ireland that eschews cars as being too modern. Everyone travels by horse. It's also set in 1969. It's fairly adult as far as RPs go, despite the HP angle.

This kid has only been around for a week and already he's fucking up the RP. First, he might be able to string words together but not in a way that makes any sense. His set ups are all wrong. The physicality of where he is and what he looks like is ludicrous. He tends to over-react to things, painting his scenes in broad strokes that leave those who RP with him confused.

Second, it's disconcerting and even embarrassing to me, as an adult, to be RPing with a 13 year old. I joined this RP for certain maturity levels. Stuart's a lusty guy and he makes references to sex all the time. I don't want to be censoring myself because I'm worried about a little kid reading my threads. On this RP the sex threads are locked away so only the people who write them can read them, but we all still make lacivious references. It makes me more than a little uncomfortable for Stuart to be talking about nailing his girlfriend, knowing that this kid is reading it.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. I was talking via PM last night with another new member about it. She has her own RP and she said that she doesn't allow anyone under 18 to join for the exact reasons I stated above.

I think I know why the admin allowed this kid to join. The admin was a creative writing major in college. I'm guessing she's thinking that we, as more mature and seasoned writers, should mentor him and bring him along to foster his creative writing bent. And I totally get that. That's awfully nice and altruistic. But I didn't join the RP to teach the children how to write. I joined to write stories about love and lust and murder and jealousy.

Anyway, I've talked enough. Here's Chandler's bio: (with comments from Cadence)

Character Bio
CHANDLER T--- is a timid, lusty, and confused fifteen year old boy. He was born and raised (not exactly raised, but…) in C---, and has never seen the rest of the country, let alone been out of Europe. He is of tall stature, with short arms and huge legs. (Like a T-Rex?) He is intrigued by women, and has to be pried away from many girls he meets. Often he is ashamed of himself, and is always trying to change himself for the better. He believes in an 'alter plane' of his own creation, not unlike another Earth, only glorified and fitted to all of his demands. Chandler dreams of bringing wealth and glory to his friends, as well as creating humility and suffering for his foes. (He likes to imagine he is God. That's shocking.) He is dangerous, for although slow to anger, and even slower to provoke, he does not forget grudges at all, and will hold them against others until mended. (Like I trust this guy to be just with his anger or his grudges. I imagine he believes he is righteous but only at his whims. The author will play his characater as though he's wise and above petty problems and he's there to teach others. Newsflash! No one came to this rpg for the gospel of Chandler.)

His dress is somewhat ragged, for he has had no true need for fancy clothing.. He enjoys expression through clothing, and uses color to convey emotions, his favorite being green and yellow. He also enjoys music storytelling, and the rest of traditional 'bardic' traits. He brings up magic through the beauty of his saxophone, a rich brown tenor, and one of the few things he had demanded from his parents. His magic is weak, and is only able to lull people into the beauty of his music. Chandler, however, does not believe he uses magic. (I HATE these characters who come from money but are too noble to use it. Double blah on that. Second, he just God Modded/Powerplayed. He is telling us how people will be reacting to his music.)

His mother has hinted of to be a full a powerful witch, but does not mention it much. The word 'squib' has been tossed around in her presence, and after learning what that was at school, Chandler began to see more and more of his mothers failed magic; poor cleaning, burnt fod, and more of the like. If she was a great witch, well, all he could think of was the fact that his mother must have gotten weaker and weaker as she accumulated wealth and became less dependent on magic. His chubby, red faced father, however, states that he is wizard, and a powerful one a that. He often fixes the simple mistakes that his wife creates, then boasts about his talents to Chandler. He has never actually seen his father use magic the "Big Magic", like conjuring spirits and the like, but tales of his father's powers are known in certain circles. Chandler has, however, seen his father speak with images of animals, a form of magic called scrying. (I am lost by this bit and not just because the spelling and grammer is shit. Since this rpg is based on Harry Potter, no where in those books do witches and wizards ever lose their powers. There are squibs born without powers at all. But for those with magic, it doesn't go away. His mother shouldn't be learning to live like a muggle because she lost her magic. If she's a squib, she would have had to live like a muggle all her life and I imagine she would have adapted. I am so confused here.)

Chandler also lives most of his free time on the streets, away from his dull home. He begs for money, and often receives it (mostly from the school-girls), rather than ask his parents for an allowance.. He pops in from time to time at Pigglewiggle's and carries out small tasks, such as taking out the garbage, then slips away without pay. When asked about this, he simply shrugs and mumbles various answers. (So the girls pay him to go away. I would too. And isn't it just so noble that he's humble enough to take out the garbage for strangers even though he has piles of cash at home. I don't see any of this as being honourable but if he has money, don't beg for it! Give it away. THAT would be upstanding. Don't loiter around the store 'helping' people. That's just creepy.)

Chandler is misunderstood, misplaced, and underestimated for one of his size. He is scrawny, but magnificently strong. He is a beggar, but unusually smart (again, I mean smart as in the 'bardic education'). He is poorly clad, and yet his family is well off. He has never stepped away from C---, and wishes to travel all the lands. Chandler has one main task, though, and will do almost anything to create his perfect world, starting with his hometown. (So he's a little of everything. Grrrrr! And again he is working on this perfect world garbage. If he's starting on his hometown, the residents better get ready to get his assy philosphy shoveled at them like horse shit. It will be thick.)

Bloodline: Mixed-Blood (I would have asked for an explanation of this. It sounds like he's a pureblood. Being a squib doesn't make you a muggle. You're just a witch with no powers. I can only imagine that "mixed" means T-Rex DNA.)

Boggart: Chandler's Boggart is an image of himself as the most powerful magician in the land. (Oh dear! God forbid he is the most awesome guy ever anywhere. That would suck if he were better than anyone else. Oh, wait...)

Appearance: (no pictures to be posted in this section. BE BRIEF)
Chandler is, as most "abandoned" boys of his age, lanky and slender, with a rigid, tense look about him. His face is covered with smalls red pimples, completely covering his cheeks, and sprouting from his nose. He has a crooked smile, and he constantly receives money as the people of C--- pass by, for he is one of the most pitiful, yet pretty (despite his acne) beggars to grace the cobblestones of the city. His arms are unusually short, giving a midget like appearance to his features. His chest looks quite modest, but he possesses natural muscle, toned by the wearing tasks of a homeless man. His legs make up for his arms, and are thick, obviously muscled, and well toned. He posses a pair of ragged loafers, of which he stole prom his pompous father, and a small argyle cap, also from his dad. (I think this physical description is that of the author. The stuff with the arms and the legs is so hard for me to picture and not common for someone "pretty." Usually Gary Studs will have a disfigurement that makes them more handsome and mysterious. I'm not judging this author's looks but I am saying there is an underlying sympathy and knowledge for someone with this condition. Grrrrr! Self insert!)

Personality: (What are your characters strengths, weaknesses, motivations, hobbies? Who is important to them? What do they hope for? )
Chandler is motivated by love. He has fallen for many school-girls, and does his best to look his best, bringing many ladies to his corner in the street (after school, he tends to stay out until cufew). (He's turning tricks.) He is constantly trying to play into someone's emotions, winning them over to his side of things. Persistence (or confidence, depending on the task) is another one of his main characteristics. (He can also take someone back in time to prove he is right. Or righteous.) He is often pensive, and does not deal with the rambunctious crowd of boys his age. He instead prefers to draw out fantasies of his own world in his mind, and often daydreams about the wonderful times he spends there. He is a dreamer, and believes he can change the world (after, of course, he leaves C--- for his own life abroad), despite his financial restrictions. He wants to spend his life changing this world to create his own. (Financial restrictions????? Bullcrap. Bull. Crap. He's a wealthy, little bastard. And his music is all special. Why doesn't he just Pied Piper his little ass out of town?)

He also loves to party, and hang with the more... controlled boys and girls. As long as there is music, Chandler will probably be there. (And if there are nachos, Chandler with probably eat them.)

History: What has made them who they are today?(Make this brief)
Chandler has been neglected not by his parents, but his parents' friends. (Huh? An elaboration of what the hell this means would be nice.) Although not exactly caring, his parents have tried their best to put food on the table, even though they did not particularly mind him much when he was home. Chandler has simply not been subject to love and caring, creating a somewhat confused boy who doesn't exactly know right from wrong. Therefore, he is mixed up sometimes, not exactly sure what will bring what next; not sure who to trust or believe. (Wouldn't it be easier if vampires just killed them?) He attended grade school diligently, then slowly dropped intreset as he progressed to gifted level programs. (HAW! He's gifted. So gifted he doesn't need to give a crap anymore. We've seen that before.) He has had a natural thirst for learning, but more of the bardic ways, such as singing, performing, and adventuring. He still attends school, but wastes his days writing about his new world or composing music for his saxophone. (So he's working on his own bible and hymns. Figures.)

Optional Other Info you would like to include( no pictures):
As a sum up, Chandler is a misplaced person, who does not entirely enjoy the world as the way it is (aside from the women). (He wants to fondle breasts with his tiny hands. That's his world all summed up.)

He has met magical creatures, although unknowingly. Some he has chatted with openly, and others he has spied from a distance. (And he took out the garbage for some of them.)

Eventually, Chandler himself would like to create an Irish Bardic Legue, connecting all new age bards, and storytellers, to one another. (And thus he shall spread his gospel throughout the land as each bard tells the story of how awesome the one called Chandler was. They shall sing songs of his wonderment and his skillz with the ladies. Then they shall create the Irish Bardic Society and IBS shall bind them all.)

I agree with Freaklin Gout. Chandler is a stumble on the part of the admin. He's not very deep and he is very Gary Stu-ish. He has a lot to learn about rpgs that admin ought to take charge of Stus themselves rather than letting him loose on the members. Freaklin has shown me some instances where his character has been difficult to role play with. His story changes to suit his needs which is pretty much what his "new world" shit is all about. So far it looks like Jurassic Park only scarier.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thick-Skinned Like a Rhino's Ass

Emotions are important. They rule our lives and help us make choices. They can be an asset or a curse depending on how they manifest. As a character, emotions might allow someone to get close or be pushed away. Showing emotions could enhance or diminish relationships with other characters. Anger, anxiety, confusion, contentment, desire, despair, fear, grief, guilt, happiness, hate, hope, jealousy, longing, love, passion, resignation, revenge, sadness, shame, shock, sympathy, tenderness and worry are the spice of life, color our everyday actions and makes us do things we wouldn't normally. The risk of being too open and showing how a character truly feels can damage that character's strength and reputation depending on how deeply we recognize these feelings within us.

So why not skip them? Weaknesses are for babies. You may not be able to plot much without emotions but go right ahead and try! Create an army of dry, dull, robotic, frigid, somber, apathetic, flat cardboard Sues. See if I care?

"She is tough, and she can at times hide her emotions from others."

"Personality: (Human) Cold, Emotionless, Aloof, Genius, Strategist,calm but cares for friends(Aura Minzoku) Cold, Emotionless, Aloof, Genius,Calm Strategist but cares for friends"

"She seems cold and doesn't seem to care about him nor anyone but just hides her emotions and all..."

"Personality: Almost emotionless, he has full control of his emotions."

"Either that or she hides her emotions well."

"Personality: Is nice but quiet and emotionless."

"a highschool private school chick who likes to party, but hides her emotions."

"Personality: Cool minded, heartless and emotionless."

"She's sensitive, but hides her emotions well, and is easily angered."

"Personality: Emotionless and sinister he carries a very dark past and is shrouded in mystery though his seductive nature comes out once and a while."

"She hides her emotions and only expresses her true feelings to those she truelly trusts."

"She hides her emotions quiet well, though; due to the death of her only brother who was very dear to her,"

"She hides her emotions well on the surface and often times will appear calm and in control of herself,"

"Even though she hides her emotions, she pours all of her emotions into the lyrics that she writes for her songs."

"Personality: Calm, seemingly emotionless, thinks very tactically and mathematically, fiercly loyal."

"its kaylen, the most beautiful girl i have seen in my life, and even though she hides her emotions and feelings, She is a great person."

"Personality: His is nearly emotionless since he became a demon, though he has shown signs, more recently reguarding the elf. He is completely loyal to his friend and sevant."

"Pessimistic, an sarcastic, she hides her emotions behind her words, and very rarely, actions."

"Emotionless and a tactical mind, this AI is something you wouldn't wanna battle against."

"Quirks: She hides her emotions, everyone asks what's wrong she says nothing and leaves it at that."

"She is always on guard and alert, that is one reason she hides her emotions from others, so she has an advantage"

"However, he becomes a completely different person in combat: silent and emotionless."

"She's easily upset (she's very emotional) but hides her feelings well"

"Personality: Emotionless, merciless, this guy is more likely to rip out your throat then make a friend"

"Personality: He seems emotionless"

"lance seemed to appear beside the kid and looked at him with his emotionless eyes"

"Despite his loyalty he shields his emotions and thoughts to those he does not know."

"Personality: Intelligent, skillful but emotionless. Anybody who are weak or not useful are called TRASH. Strong and fearful but quiet."

Wouldn't those people hate the chick that belongs to this silly ass banner?

She acts like the summer and walks like rain? What is this poetry crap telling us? I used to dissect poetry in college and this imagery is losing me completely. When I think about summer, I think of it as hot. When I think of rain, I think of it as wet. I also remember that summer comes before Fall and rain actually falls. What a klutzy yet flowery whore. I don't get it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Howling Mad at Wolfspeak

I have already mentioned that I don't get furries. They creep me out and I don't role play with them but I can still recognize Mary Sue assy-ness when I see it. Here is an issue I found in a forum that lists role playing games in a Wal-Mart sort of way. An owner of a wolf rpg was complaining about how flowery the language in wolf rpgs is getting. Others from a horse and other assorted furry forums agree that this language is annoying and those who do it must think they sound intelligent. The problem is, no one truly knows what anyone is talking about anymore.

This language shows up in rpgs I am in when werewolves show up. If this language shows up in a non-wolf/furry rpg, you can imagine how damn awful it is to try and decipher for those of us who have chosen not to role play in that genre.
After reading a general list, I can only speculate that if you're a Wolfy Sue, you don't even have the same general body parts that normal people and animals do, nor the same genders. Here's a rundown of what I mean:

aud, audit, auditory, satalite, twin towers, caves, high-wires: ear
banner, brush, flag, streamer, tassel: tail
barrel: body
brujo/brute, mascu: male
crania/cranium, crown, dial, thinking box, tiara: head
fatale, fae, fay, fea, fem, femme, femora, alphess, alphena, vixen: female
flints, daggers, knives, ivories: claws/teeth
kissers: lips
juggler: throat
maw: mouth
mug, velveteen: muzzle
nape: neck
nare: nostril
occuli/oculi, optics, orbs, spheres, headlights, pools, lanterns: eyes
pillar, pistion: leg
talon, mitt, mitten, pad: hoof or foot

The list goes on when you get into pack order and wolf mythology but I'm not that interested in knowing more. This is enough to make me ill. I can feel the bile rising into my maw.

If you plan on doing this in an rpg, actually do some research and see if this language is used by others or if you're just amusing yourself. Using a language that no one else is will quickly help the members and staff decide if you are awesome and creative or pretentious and silly. In most cases, they won't be impressed because if they aren't doing it, there's probably a good reason. Most likely they find this nonsense unbearable or they genuinely don't get it and don't want to be bothered with it.
Just mesh into the rpg by doing what everyone else is doing. It's the best way to make everyone happy. Keep your high-wires open, your optics wide and use your tiara. Everyone around you will be glad you did.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What Would Mark Twain Do?

Have you ever wondered what Mark Twain would say if he were a role player or owned a role playing game? How would he conduct himself and how can we be positive he'd create an interesting character? Sure! We all have pondered about that. I think I can help answer this.

Mark Twain hated author James Fenimore Cooper. He hated him so much that he wrote an article called "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses" where he completely tore apart the stuff he didn't like about Cooper's novels. He didn't even care that Cooper was dead when Twain wrote this because that's how he is! No holds barred!

I know this article refers strictly to fiction writing but I've plucked out parts that could be translated into role playing and I don't even care that Mark Twain is dead because that's how I am. I am positive Twain would agree if these were the no no rules he created for his rpg.

2. They require that the episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help to develop it.

Think of "episodes" as threads in an rpg. Threads ought to work like scenes in a movie. Something important should happen in each one. Things should be exciting and take the characters someplace fun. The end result should leaves the characters wanting more. Eliminate the dull, boring and pointless things that make some rpgs mundane like getting to know a girl by asking her what her favorite color is or what city she grew up in.

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

Don't make characters that are boring, shy or asleep due to a wonky spell so often that they are mistaken for dead people.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.

Make sure everyone in a thread is there to do something useful. Don't drop in and offer nothing but wasted space just to up your post count.

5. They require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.

Stop talking. Don't drag out a scene if the passion and enthusiasm died out long ago. Just say goodbye if all has been done and said. If you do decide to throw something in to make it more exciting, be sure that new element is actually thrilling and not a half-assed attempt at excitement.

8. They require that crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader.

The reader or the other people in the thread. "Crass stupidities" can mean lots of things here. Take what you want. I choose to believe it means don't turn back time to take a parting shot at the character that left already. Or ripping the hoodie off someone's body after they said don't do that. Or pouting and saying that you are going back to the tavern only to return and muck up the scene with more pouting. I could go on but the point is made. Crass stupidities covers lots of territory but can be easily recognized by everyone.

9. They require that the personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.

Don't suddenly create a full family tree with members out to kill you but it's okay because you're suddenly aware you have mad kung fu fairy fighting skillz.

10. They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones.

It's really true that if you tell someone to love your character, they won't. You have to earn that love. And if you create a mean character, also, don't demand that everyone love her. Make these things happen through character interactions. Stomping your feet around and crying won't make anyone love you, just walk away quickly.

In addition to these large rules there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

Don't be shy. Don't be incoherent either. Be open and meaningful and not afraid to engage others.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.


14. Eschew surplusage.

No one really cares about your character's hair, how they are breathing or what they had for breakfast if they asked your character what his or her name is. Get to the point.

15. Not omit necessary details.

Like inheriting a sword after you died.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

Don't say, "She sat on a swigs and herd a noise behing her."

17. Use good grammar.

Than you can be better then everyone else.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

Too much wallowing in a character's past will completely stop an character from moving forward. If they can't say what needs to be said do what needs to be done and just wants to sit on a dock staring at water and thinking about her dead family, she's not going any place. If she wants to dwell on the complexities of life and death, where we go when we die, why didn't she die too and what will become of her now, she'll have a rough time having a simple and straightforward conversation with any one attempting to get involved with her.

He would make an excellent rpg owner and keep those crass stupidities out. He'd monitor those deadly boring characters that flop around in scenes for no obvious reason. Twain would keep all plots on task and not veering off into Mary Sue showcasing.

Watch out for these things improbable miracles, get to that discoverable purpose and stop talking when there is nothing to say. If you can't, ask me what white washing is. It's something you'll like.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Getting Jossed

Have you been Jossed? It can happen to anyone at anytime and anywhere-- providing you are role playing or writing fanfictions based on a TV show, movie or books that takes place have a series format.

This term is named for Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Originating in fanfics but able to carry over into rpgs, "getting Jossed" refers to the moment when something you've written is completely invalidated during the course of the series. Say that you wrote that your character is the child of Spike and Druscilla but then we learn that vampires can't have kids-- except that one time Angel and Darla did but that doesn't count. Anyway, you've been Jossed because unless the circumstances are special, there is no way in Hell that Spike and Dru could naturally have a vampire child.

Possible Origins

Sometimes a series will forget it's own bible, have a brain fart or just decide to totally change an established story or fact to make it go into a different direction. On Buffy, when Angel and Spike get together for the first time on screen Spike is blathering on and on about how he's disappointed that Angel seems to be good now and he says Angel was his sire. He looked up to him like a father after Angel turned him into a vampire taught him about how to stalk and kill people.

RPGs and fanfictions all over the internet were writing stories about the stalking days of these two when, oops! Joss Whedon went and made an episode where Spikey boy was actually sired by Druscilla. Technically this Jossing was Joss' fault but every Jossing since has been due to overzealous writers in rpg and fanfiction forums.

Jossed by J.K. and Others

Since getting Jossed can happen with any medium that is a series, we can look at the Harry Potter series where lots of Mary Sues were deeply shocked about a certain fact that they'd all guessed about. A character was introduced to the story named Blaise Zabini. The only information that readers were given was that Blaise was a Slytherin. Shortly thereafter, fanfictions and rpg sites were crammed with characters named Blaise Zabini who was hot, gothie Slytherin chick that wanted to jump Draco Malfoy. But then Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince came out and all those characters were rendered obsolete. Turns out Blaise is a black boy who doesn't exactly agree with anything Draco Malfoy says.

In every series there are other forms of this term but the most common word I've seen is Jossed. Dr. Who fans like "Russeled" after Russel T. Davies and perhaps some Harry Potter fans like the term JKed. I think I just like the way it sounds to yell, "Dude, you've been Jossed!"

The Other (and Way Wrong) Definitions

There is a bit of controversy about the meaning of getting Jossed but any other definition that's different from the one I gave you is wrong. Because I say so. And many people agree with me. So there.

Some purists believe that instances like the one I mentioned with Spike not being sired by Angel is the true meaning of being Jossed. That would make it even more rare and less likely to give you moments of pleasure when pointing and laughing at another person who has been Jossed.

The most absurd theory is that getting Jossed has an almost opposite meaning. Some morons think that getting Jossed is when the writers of a series are actually out scouring the forums, reading fanfictions and rpgs and getting ideas for the series because they have no imaginations of their own. Right. If you say that Angel could smell Wesley on Lilah and then on the show Angel says that to Lilah, it just means that it's not out of the realm of possibility to believe that vampires have super sniffers and can smell sex on a person. If you're patting yourself on the back because you guessed that Harry Potter would have a son, remember that if Harry Potter were to have child, there is a 50% chance it will be male and J.K. didn't actually get the idea for that by reading your story online.

Then What is Whedoning?

Whedoning is not to be confused with getting Jossed. It's an entirely different thing. Whedoning occurs when something incredibly awesome and squee-worthy happens to a character and then they are killed in a horrible, crushing way. Tara McClay was Whedoned on Buffy when she got back together with Willow and they had sex all night long and in the morning Warren accidentally shot Tara dead.

Getting Jossed is Part of a Journey

Don't get sad if your hopes, beliefs, theories and wild imaginations are proven wrong. So what if your character becomes a part of a alternate universe rather than part of canon world? It's all a game and playing a character that no longer exists or using an idea that is not based in fact anymore brings more unpredictability to the plot lines. If it happens to you, just roll with it. If nothing else, it will free your character up for greater things later on.


First off, I have no problems with the word 'tousled.' I've just noticed that in the hands of a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, it is a very important word. It is used to described characters who are beautiful yet don't care about their appearance, a character who must smoothe it down to start a full day of being wonderful or a randy sex kitten in the throes of passion. Whatever the cause is, Mary Sues and Gary Stus always need to get a handle on that fussy hair, ruffle it up more or throw it around to make a point. As you can see, it's just one of those fun little buzzwords that Suethors latch onto.

"Kylana tossed her tousled hair over her shoulder."

"He, at least, had an anarchic streak to offset all that toussled hair, and a Caledonian accent to make him a little more interesting."

"*runs his hands through his tousled hair to fix it and gives her a wry smile and wave*"

"She smoothed her skirts and ran her fingers through her sleep toussled hair."

"Jenny smoothed her once again toussled hair and placed her toothbrush back into her blue backpack."

"Nobody who houses the god of war can be timid and weak. For nineteen years, I let him be that outspoken Asian boy whose tousled hair always got in his eyes."

"Tossing back his toussled hair, he glanced over at the Headmistress."

"She doesn’t spend a lot of time on her looks – a little chapstick is her only makeup, self painted nails that get bitten down, and carelessly tousled hair worn naturally curly."

"Other distinguishing details: High cheekbones, arched eyebrows, long eyelashes, toussled hair, large ears, impeccable set of teeth"

"His tousled hair adds to his generally unkempt appearance."

"her sleep tousled hair curled over her back as she slowly regained her thought prosses from its slowed place."

"Apperance: Black Leather Jacket with dark jeans that are all ripped up. Black tousled hair and green eyes."

"Sun sighed and ran a hand through her tousled hair."

""I know," he laughed. "I am." He reached out, ruffling her already tousled hair."

"His tousled hair and shining eyes made him seem like a truly thoughtful person."

"The wind whipped at her tousled hair as they sprinted along the beaten path, kicking up dust into the air."

"She ran a hand through her tousled hair and went to the door opening it to reveal James standing there."

"Exhaling, Michael sat up and running a hand through his tousled hair, appraised his empty room."

"Julian stared after her for a moment, his mouth half open, then suddenly laughed out loud and pulled a hand through his tousled hair, giddy with relief and a strong feeling of happiness."

"She even brushed out her tousled hair, so now it shone in long brown waves."

"Description: Squirrel girl is a cute teenage-girl with a bushy tail, small, strong claws, a retractable "knuckle spike" on each hand, an adorable overbite, tousled hair and a trimly athletic physique."

"'Huh? What?' Theo asked. He groaned, then sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair. 'Why is that I feel like I never get enough sleep?'"

"Sighing, Daniel ran his weathered but strong hands through his thick black wild mess of hair. It had been a long while since he had seen a good barber, and his tousled hair would remain so."

"She preferred the simplicity of a clean face and tousled hair."

"Even in the dim light, his winning smile and casually tousled hair struck a cord in her heart. She repressed the urge to merely demand him kiss her right then and there."

"A curly and tousled hair with the delicate color of a gentle touch of teal. It shines beautifully in the suns warming glow. A face that gives warmth to the worlds beings."

"Sliding open the windowsill, he stepped gingerly into the room, his black tousled hair a regular rats nest over his face, his three facial piercings gleaming dully in the bright moonlight."

"Clearly not completely human, this teenaged girl with brown tousled hair and green eyes was equipped with a dragon’s tail and talons."

"His tousled hair was alost glistening in the dim light, but that was because of the slowly freezing water still in the thick mop."

"Gulping he ran his hand through his tousled hair, messing it up further as he spotted Calista in front of the library."

"Nick ran a hand through his damp, tousled hair. He looked like shit. He felt like shit, too."

"His hair was tousled and shimmered in the growing sunlight, its soft feel beckoning her to touch it… just once."

I wish I had a bag of hair product swag to hand out to all these Sues who go around looking like poodles. All of this makes me feel that my own hair is inadequate. I want hair that says "come hither" to others, shows that I don't care about my appearence even though I'm still hot and it will be easily tamed when I run my hand through it. I can put up with all of this except for the bushy tail, knuckle spike and adorable overbite. Furries scare me.Have I mentioned that?

Boyfriend Stu

This Gary Stu was written by a girl to be the perfect man. He's strong yet gentle, good looking yet humble and young but responsible beyond his years. This character is destined to be a two-dimensional girl magnet because he's not sexually offensive in any way. As much as Gary Stus usually tend to be nothing but a penis or bisexual emos, they are also like this guy:

Name: Callister Reed
Race: Human
Guild: Fighter
Age: 17
Gender: male
Eye Color: His right eye is a piercing ice blue while his left eye is a lively bright green.

So he looks like he has a lazy eye, then? Seriously, piercing and lively, icy and bright, blue and green? Choose one trait and sticks with it. Don't just go with everything because you feel insecure making him one type.

Hair Color: dark brown
Orientation: heterosexual

At least he's not a happy-go-lucky yet gloomy bisexual. The author chose one orientation and stuck to it!

Appearance: Callister is a youg pale skinned man with a strong slightly angled jaw and a piercing stare (Well, just his right eye, remember?). He has short inch and a half long dark brown hair that is straight and neatly trimmed. His right eye is a piercing ice blue while his left eye is a lively bright green. (His right eye wants to go out bowling but his left eye wants to watch movies with subtitles.) He is meticulously clean shaven and he has very fine body hair. He has a wiry build and a strong but agile frame. Callister is never seen without his dark green, many pocketed great coat. underneath that he has a chainshirt and plated leather pants. (He chafes a lot!) He weilds a no-dachi with a claymore hilt and handle that was given to him as an inheritance when he died. (Huh? He inherited a sword when he died? I can't wait to see what I get when I kick the bucket.) He wears thick steel plated leather boots and fingerless leather gloves. He also, more commonly weilds two long-bladed double-edged kukris that he got for his fifthteenth birthday and he is very well practiced in their use. He has a large traveler's backpack filled with everything he will need on the road. (His toothbrush and toilet paper.)

Personality: Callister is a very spry and intuitive teenager. He uses an inherit instinct when fighting and his will to survive is unmatched. He likes to socialize and tries to make friends when he can, and defends his friends with his life. (So he's both dead and living? Jeez! Now we're back to being a touch of everything.) For the most part he is too shy to seriously get into a relationship but he does talk when spoken to. He can talk to girls, he just can't neccessarily ask them out on a date per say. (Don't let this fool you. It just means he's safe. He's respectful towards girls and won't push sex. Callister will also be content to hold hands on a porch swing and talk for hours on end.) He holds grudges only when the person is a complete scumbag and he has a high moral code that gives him a drive to protect and fight for that which he cares for. (Like beautiful damsels that he's nervous to talk to.)
Likes: Callister likes sparring, socializing with friends, girls (but he usually doesn't act on it), good food, and tea

He likes swords, twister, pizza and oolong.
Dislikes: snobs, know-it-alls, lechers, down right scumbags, slavery of any kind, masojanists, feminists, etc....

Yeah, feminists ruin everything what with their wanting to vote, hold the same jobs as men for the same pay, mystiques, Ally McBeals, gynocritisism, NOW, bell hooks, using birth control, herstories, Sex and the Cities, Riot Grrls, Playgirls, sexual harassment laws and lactivism. They make masojanists look anjelic.
Hobbies: sparring, card games

He likes Old Maid and if you try calling it something more PC he'll just walk away and find someplace quiet to play with his sword.
Biography: Callister was raised in a very warrior based family. His father was an esteemed general and died in battle to save his men. Callister always looked up to his father and wanted to make him proud, but he didn't want to be exactly like his father. (I see. His dad died. That's what Callister meant about inheritance. I was still worried Callister was an upright, mindless stiff as well as being dead.) He got into fights alot when he was a kid, mostly he was defending a weaker kid who was being bullied, and he was kind of popular, kind of not. (Oi! He was a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll too.) When he turned thirteen he recieved his father's ancestral sword. The blade was always sharp and withstand a hammer blow without a scratch. It had a secret power that callister needed to grow up more to access and he decided to practice relentlessly with the blade. (As a child he could always be found clutching his nodachi.) Lather he received a pair of well crafted doyuble edged three foot long kukris that he found he favored as a common weapon (he saved the great blade for harder battles). (It just thrusts better when things are harder.)

This author has left lots of room for this character to be molded into perfect boyfriend material. He's sensitive yet strapping, boyish yet virile, cute yet modest. He's the perfect non-threatening package to any young woman. He's ready to be taught what love is even though he is unrealistically unaware that intercourse exists. Just make him put down his sword, look deep into his freakish eyes and don't burn any bras.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sex and the Sue

The Obligatory Scene

Sex can make role playing more fun or a whole lot worse depending on how it’s done. There are so many ways it can go wrong because it seems so innocent if it’s just words on a screen. If you care about your character, there are some situations where sex can completely suck the fun out logging into an rpg.

I Was Made to Love You

Some characters are designed for sex. The entire point of their creation is to fuck any one they come in contact with, be it male, female or whatever. When talking about the mock Harry Potter Houses I mentioned Tootsietramps and these are the characters I mean. There’s nothing wrong with this type unless they pair up with sex partners who want more from a storyline than just sex.

I haven’t had any good experiences with these types. I always feel like Clint Eastwood in the movie "Play Misty for Me." When my characters bump uglies with a character who’s entire being is based on sex, I try to have a plot someplace else and I’m chased down by this character and author alike. By then she’s become a vicious psycho who wants me to hold her and never let her go.

I wish I had something nice to say but I’ve never had a good experience with this character. They don’t seem to believe in healthy sex lives. Apparently it’s not fun for them unless they get to cry, hug your leg and throw tantrums because they aren’t currently fucking.

Abuse, Rape and Molestation. Oh My.

I used to visit an rpg based in a chatroom. Stories were often fast, furious and you really had to work hard to make people notice you because players were jumping in and out of the chatroom quickly. When the chatroom was just starting out it was much easier to have the entire place together in one single plot for an hour or two and it was lots of fun.

Then came the characters who would enter the chatroom and promptly scream, "I’VE BEEN RAPED!" These were always damsel-in-distress characters who wanted other characters to hunt down the rapists and then teach the damsel how to love again. The last time I was there, five different damsels did this in the span of an hour and all stories halted because they wouldn’t shut up until you dealt with them.

I mentioned that Kawaii characters often seek out sex because they’ve experienced some horrible sexual trauma as a child. They never mature into adults no matter how old they get to be but they like to replay that abuse with anyone they come in contact with. Many characters that have had horrific childhoods will do this and I guess the appeal is getting other characters to try and fix the damaged one. This is where terms like hurt/comfort and whumping come from because it’s all too common for a Sue to use an atrocious event that is contrived to tug at the heartstrings to be the center of attention.

Mothers and Sues

I hate seeing pregnant women or babies in rpgs. If a Sue can’t get enough attention as one character, why not Sue for two?

Maybe I’m being negative but I’ve never seen this scenario work. Sues will gets themselves knocked up and then pop out kids at an alarming rate just to amp up the drama. Seriously, in several rpgs I’ve been in, conception and birth have happened all in the very same thread and it doesn’t matter if the kid has some wacky demon DNA or is a normal, human baby.

Babies are nothing more than Sue pawns. Suethors love to create situations where the baby is lost, stolen or in some sort of danger. The baby is an extension of the Sue and it gives her a chance to run around and scream, "WHERE’S MY BABY???," "THAT GUY TOOK MY BABY!!!," or "MY BABY IS TRAPPED IN A CAVE IN!!! WON’T ANYONE HELP ME?" Before I got wise to this practice, a Suethor once asked me to have my character kidnap her baby. I agreed to it, hated every bit of that storyline and had to fight her to take the baby back she was busy enjoying all the drama it was affording her. I will never do that again.

Perv Sues

Of course perverts join role playing games. There was once an episode of To Catch a Predator where a perv was being dragged from a house in handcuffs and he was claiming that he was only role playing. Many sickos troll role playing games looking for ways to act on their sexual fantasies. They figure if they are online, they aren’t actually doing anything wrong even if they are not even concerned with old the other players are.

I was once in a Buffy rpg where a player joined as Oz, the werewolf. For a while he seemed fine even though he was writing an awful lot of scenes for himself only. He said that a gypsy cursed him and forced him to turn into a werewolf and stay that way AND, if that weren’t bad enough, he was made to grow to 10 times his size. He started powerplaying, picking up other unwilling characters and rubbing them on his giant genitals.

As a collective rpg community we all stood up against this and he had no idea what the problem was. He assumed it was just because he didn’t ask first but he was banned, his posts were deleted and we all went on as if that had never happened.


If you choose to let your character have sex, make sure the person you’re role playing with has the same outcome in mind that you do. Is the sex part of the plot or just a cheap thrill? Are you involved with someone who isn’t really interested in what you want or do they just want to use you to scratch their balls?

Role playing involves dealing with lots of selfish people and sex is just one of those issues that can make it better or worse depending on what it’s purpose is. Figure out what you want and make it clear to your partner how much you’re willing to do. If you both can’t agree, don’t go through with it.

"Clarysaa Louisa" Knows it All

As I've said before, rpgs and fanfiction often go hand in hand. Some rpg sites offer spots for fanfiction on their forums. Authors will post their fanfictions and put it up for the approval of other members. This happens the most when the rpg is based on a movie, TV show book. It's tempting to show others that have similar interests, what you've done with the established characters. I can't fault anyone for needing to get things like this out of their systems and asking others for their opinions.

But, of course, some fanfiction ideas are so stupid that you have to fault some authors for ever bearing their souls with these silly, pitiful stories. This author mixes Harry Potter and Hannah Montana into a very unholy crossover. But is that really bad enough? No! Let's add an original character who is more magical than Harry and a better singer than Hannah.

This is the story of "Clarysaa's Secret." Meet Clarysaa Louisa. That's pronounced 'Clah ri say Lou i say.' She is secretly a famous singer, although it's noted by the author that she's normal, and her real name is Serenity Karma. At the age of 16 she gets a mysterious letter from a school called Hogwarts. At this point in the Harry Potter timeline, we've just finished book 6 so the future of Hogwarts is uncertain and Harry is living with Ron's family as is Hermione.

I won't be showing off the entire fanfiction. I think your head would explode if I were to subject you everything. You can read it here if you dare but I warn you, it's a doozey! And if you are wondering why everyone praising this crap keeps saying, "PAMS!" that means Please Add More Soon. I, actually, found myself saying, "DAMN!" which means Don't Add More Now.

Serenity Karma smiled to herself as her father drove her into town one sunny morning. Her long, black hair flew out beside her as she turned the window down. She laughed, her blue eyes sparkling with delight.

'Hey! Roll that window back up little lady!' her father, David, ordered. Serenity turned to him, her eyebrows raised.

She rolled her eyes at his stern look and sighed, rolling the window back up. 'Dad,' she said. 'Where are you taking me anyway?'

David looked at her, his chocolate eyes twinkling mischeviously. 'You'll see,' he said, turning on the stereo. Serenity cocked her head to listen to it, then her favourite song came on.

'Hey, Dad!' she said. Her dad had always written songs. 'You wrote this song, remember?' she shouted, laughing again, and singing along to the words.

'You're always there for me when I need you most, you're always there for me cos we're so close, you're always there for me though you're a ghost, cos you've always been there for me,'

'Honey, when you left me, I was so alone, honey, when you left me, I was so depressed,' she began to sing, until David frowned and turned the stereo off.

So her dad writes dull, pointless songs. And the family dynamic is just like Hannah's: A dad, an older brother and no mother. Not only am I questioning this author's unoriginality, I'm asking how poorly thought out Hannah Montana is. It's sort of like visual crack with a baking soda filler.

Checking in with Harry Potter, we catch him in the middle of feeling sorry for himself when a song comes on the radio...

Harry sat up. He frowned at her voice. It was the best voice he'd ever heard sing, and that was saying something, because he could remember his mother singing to him when he was a child. It was only a faint memory, but he could vividly recall her voice. She had been amazing, never missing a note. But now this...Clarysaa sounded even better.

'Without you, I'm so dead
Without you, I'm trapped in my own head,
Within you, I'm so alive
Within you, in the water I dive
Don't leave ma gain, honey, dear one
Just please, stay, and listen to this song
You're my everything, and if I lose you,
I have nothing, so please tell me that you..."

Next we learn that everyone seems to think Clarysaa is way better than Hannah Montana. In a goofy radio interview, the host gushes all over Clarysaa and she acknowledges she's better but in a humble, modest yet giggly way. She doesn't want to make Hannah feel bad but too late. Hannah charges into the studio where the two girls eye each other up. Clarysaa is all shruggy and sugar sweet while Hannah is spitting nails.

Serenity starts attending Miley's school and they meet again. Miley, by this time, has become an unbalanced, raging bitch who attacks Serenity with a bowl of pasta while the poor Mary Sue was just trying to be friends. The fathers of the two girls decide the best way to end this feud is to make the girls perform together.

Meanwhile, Harry goes out and buys himself and his friends tickets to a Clarysaa Louisa/Hannah Montana concert. Might as well. Something has to help him get over the horrible deaths of Sirius and Dumbledore and what better way than to drown himself in the meaningless lyrics of not one but two incredibly screechy pop singers?

Harry looked at Ron and Hermione wacked his arm, hard.

'Ron,' she muttered, quietly.

'It's okay, Hermione. I'm over. I've stopped mourning. No point mourning till after I got rid of Voldemort is there? And the only way I can do that is to go back to school and learn more, isn't it? I would like it if Hogwarts did remain open. But I doubt it will,' Harry said, rather cheerfully.

'Wow, Harry, how come you're so cheerful now?'

'What? No reason. Do I have to have a reason?'

'Yes,' Ron and Hermione said in unison.

In some silly, contrived bit of crap, Miley and Serenity are forced to live together and reveal their secret identities to one another. Miley is so floored that she says she's sorry for being such a nasty, hateful, horrible, jealous, pasta-tossing whore and Serenity apologizes for being such a nice, sweet, popular, perfect Mary Sue. They hug and squee and things just might be okay for these two.

So the concert happens and it's awesome and fans are screaming and wetting themselves in glee as the two girls perform. Serenity peeks out into the audience and someone catches her eye...

This is it, Serenity thought.

She relaxed as the music started, and followed Miley in the moves as she turned around.Serenity's eyes hit on a boy with messy, black hair and emerald green eyes. She frowned, before noticing his friends. Two redheads, one male, one female, and another female with bushy, brown hair.

No. It can't be. What's he doing here?

Hermione is only smart enough to work out half of this moronic dribble:

'Hermione! Isn't that...doesn't that look like one of the Gryffindors?' asked Harry, gesturing towards Clarysaa.

Hermione looked up, and nodded.'Looks a lot like Serenity Karma. She left school last year. SHe never mentioned if she had a twin,' Hermione frowned. 'Wonder where Serenity is then?'

Oh! The wangst is going to kill me. SQUEE!

Harry gave up searching for Serenity after about half an hour after the concert had finished. He had been unable to find her, not knowing she was just behind the door for VIPs.

'Come on guys, let's get back to the Burrow.' Harry said, sighing, as he lead the way to the door behind the few fans who had hoped that Hannah and Clarysaa might come back out.

The others nodded and, as soon as they turned down a dimly lit alleyway, disapparated, apparating back to the Burrow.


Serenity let out a sigh of relief after about an hour where only VIPs had come through; she'd chickened out of going to talk to Harry and Miley had been unable to convince her to go back to their changing room as she had to be sure he'd left.

By the time she was, it was late and Miley had to peel her from the door and door the corridor to their changing room.

Hurridly changing, they were back at Miley's house and, as soon as their heads hit the pillows, they fell asleep.

And... that's the end. This is all this author could write before school took her away such a riveting story. We'll never know if Harry will fall in love with her, if they are brother and sister or if Voldemort will decide to steal Clarysaa away. I could have lost the plot of the story but if Hogwarts kind of sits in rubble now, who sent Serenity the letter and what exactly was it about if she was already enrolled as a student there? If she already has magic, why did she tolerate all the noodle-lobbing from Miley?

We still have a few more years of Harry Potter movies to go and more time to get Harry matched up with whatever new flavors of the day show up. I'm not looking but I expect somewhere out there someone has Harry, Hermione and Ron dancing and singing with the cast of High School Musical. I won't be bringing it to you because I like being sane.